Bob vs the Selfie Zombies by Andy Jones

Author:Andy Jones
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Bonnier Publishing Fiction

Introducing the Face-Activated Flying Personal Image Capture System.

Or FAFPICS, for short.

Using Malcolm’s D-Rex 3000, Malcolm’s sister’s karaoke microphone, Gloria’s fitness-tracking step-counting Bluetooth smart watch, my dad’s old mobile phone with a cracked screen, a pair of knitting needles, a torch and a great deal of black tape, we have constructed a machine that still – just about – flies. Although the FAFPICS is making some worrying noises under the weight of all the add-ons – imagine the sound of a food blender full of broken glass, robot bees and custard, and you have the general idea.

The knitting needles have been positioned so they look like a pair of futuristic antennae. The phone with the broken screen is taped on the front. And the microphone dangles from the underside on a spring taken from Gloria’s joke spectacles. The torch is there to shine in the judges’ eyes and stop them looking too closely, in which case they would almost certainly see what a load of rubbish this thing really is.

It works like this:

Malcolm goes on stage to present the FAFPICS.

I hide under the stage with the drone’s remote control.

Gloria will be in the audience, controlling the camera on my dad’s broken phone with her Bluetooth watch. Malcolm will do a bit of commanding, the drone will do a bit of flying, and – the big finale – Malcolm smiles, Gloria presses a button on her fitness thingy, and the phone takes Malcolm’s selfie. At which point, the crowd bursts into applause, the judges award us the £50 prize, Eno goes home disappointed, and the world is saved from a zombie apocalypse.

It’s hard to imagine what could possibly go wrong.

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